Over the years, my faith has experienced many ups and downs. I was raised and used to strongly identify with the Roman Catholic tradition. I was proud of the rituals intricately woven into the history of the Catholic Church and the role I played in them. I prayed nightly before bed and read the bible. I attended catechism with enthusiasm, asking thought provoking questions and was proud of my adult membership in the Catholic Church. But around the time I graduated from high school, I noticed people whom I thought of as good Christians were doing selfish things, often in the name of Christ. I can see parallels in this to John’s time in the Middle East. This radically shook my belief but did not destroy it. I saw, and still see, people doing selfish, destructive, unloving things in the name of God. But I also saw Christians who tried their best to be solid followers of Jesus. However, these are not the Christians people notice. In the film, something was mentioned about radical Christians being just as scary as radical Muslims and I fully believe this to be true. Bible-beating, shove-my-ideas-about-God-down-your-throat Christians scare me to death. They make others who dare to call themselves Christians ashamed.
In my current faith journey, I identify with a passage in the Bible on fasting. It says to wash one’s face and fast in private. Those who beat their chest and get recognition on the street for fasting have already gotten their reward. In this same way, I have taken on a very private and quiet journey on religion since my freshman year in college. I became further disenfranchised with the Catholic Church when I went to mass at St. Thomas Aquinas, the church across the street from Iowa State University’s campus and the priest talked about a woman’s sole place being in the home taking care of her family. That was the last time I went to church on my own in Ames. I continued to attend church with my family when I went home, but I could not bring myself to return to that church. My family has told me that just because I do not like the preacher does not mean that I should abandon the Catholic Church. I haven’t tried the other Catholic Church in town. I really didn’t see how it will make much difference when my views on abortion and gay marriage were radically more liberal than the Catholic Church’s views. So, I suppose the priest was not the reason, but merely an excuse.
I have never quit believing in God, even if the intensity of that belief has waxed and waned over the past few years. I have simply stopped believing in the human created institution of the church. Just as we can never know what is truly in another human’s heart, we can never know what is in God’s heart. To have a strict set of rules and beliefs for churches to pass off as the truth is stunning and frustrating. Manmade institutions represent God but they are not God. Religious institutions sometimes make rulings on how their members should approach particular political issues or how they should vote. For me this raises a question, also posed in the film, where does or should personal morality intersect with public policy? I believe no one person’s personal opinion or views on any issue trumps fairness for all. For example, if a majority holds the same moral stance on an issue but it violates anyone else’s rights, it should not be written into public policy. For me, the challenge of my continued faith journey will be to reconcile my liberal political views with a Christianity that seems stubbornly conservative on issues of American politics.
