What do I have to give?

Disclaimer: This entire post may sound selfish and delusional. It probably is.

Today while grocery shopping, there was a woman standing with a sign on cardboard that said "NEED HELP". I consider myself a kind, considerate human being. So you're probably wondering why I drove by without stopping to help said woman. Well, it goes back longer than just today.

This woman used to stand by the stop sign at Wal-Mart. With the same cardboard sign. I'm always wondering how if these people were in such of a need of assistance, how they got the markers to write on their sign and the scissors to cut it into a perfect square. She also would stand in 100F weather and rub her arms and jump around like she was cold. I'm sorry, but it's blistering hot out and there is no way you are cold delusional woman. Also, she wears decent clothes. Not super nice ones, but they are always clean and they never have holes. Her hair also appears clean and it looks like she brushes it regularly. She also obviously gets her hair cut because it's looked the same for about the last year since I first noticed her.

In addition to this woman, there was also a man sitting in the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart. He had a sign detailing where he needed to go in Minnesota. I'd like to think if I were going to Minnesota, I'd have helped him but the truth is I wouldn't.

I thought about this. WHY? Why do I, as a social-rights activist, caring individual, and mostly Christian (see previous post on religious beliefs) not stop and help him? Or her? Even the first time I saw her, I never spared a dollar for her. In fact, I think I locked my door.

This makes me feel guilty. I should be more willing to help people. But what can a hand out really do? There are places in Ames for people to go. There are homeless shelters, food pantries, and the Dept of Human Services has an office here as well. 

Let's face it. These are tough economic times, but Will and I are living a reasonable comfortable time. Things are rough since I'm not working but at least we have a root over our head and food on our table. We even go to the dollar theater to see a movie a few times a month and out to the bar with friends once a month. In order to be a good person am I supposed to give up these tiny fun things we do to help others?

The answer inside of me is a resounding "NO!" But why? Why do I feel such a strong feeling of no against those who could need my help? The answer is, I'm afraid that everyone with a sign is just looking to mooch off the kindness and generosity of others. I'd be willing to bet I won't see that woman once it gets below 20. She'll be in her HUD-assisted housing, eating her food stamps meals and surviving just fine. Hell, maybe she doesn't get either of those because she makes more money out there with her little sign that my husband does contributing to society.

Also, I don't have to be generous with money. I am generous with my time and my used goods. I donate all clothes, books, and other goods that I will no longer be using to Goodwill. I also buy a lot of my books, goods, and some of my clothes there as well. I am generous with my time in a volunteer when I get a chance. I volunteered at the Ames Public Library 5 hours a month last academic year and this summer I helped hand out water when the public water was off in Ames. I also have worked in soup kitchens and gone on mission trips. I'd like to go through training with the Red Cross. So, I'm not a bad person, I just don't hand out money.

So let's put it this way, people out there begging for hand outs piss me off. There are services that can assist people and there are jobs out there if you're that desperate. (I just can't work over-nights at McDonald's or the like because I go to school and I'd never see my husband. So when I say I can't find a job, I can't find a job where I could go to school and see my husband and still be able to work.) I should quit my whining. I have food for dinner, a nice place to sleep, and clean clothes. AND a family that would allow us to crash on their couches if it ever came to that.

So now, I feel guilty about writing this whole thing. I'm tempted not to publish it, but menh. That's how I feel. Take it or leave it.

[witty blog post]

Here is a holder spot for the awesome blog post I will write tonight when I get done with class. It will most likely include a snarky, hating on local-PD vibe. If you need more until I'm able to write it, see here.

Until then, have a good day! :-)

10&10

Okay. I'll admit it. I just squealed in pleasure when I realized that I was number 9 on "Thoughts of an Oxymoron"s 10&10 (a little bit of love). I mean, wow. A shout out from a smart lady who I adore. What's better than that? I realize I saw this almost a week late, but it's midterm week.  I shouldn't be taking the time to even write this, but I will anyway, because I deserve it.

Ten Things I Like:

1. Chuck Taylors. They have been ingrained as part of my identity since I was 14. I'm not giving them up until I'm 74.
2. Books. New books, old books, I'm not picky. The smell of the library or a bookstore. It's like... paper. And knowledge. Both of which are fantastic.
3. Diet root beer. I used to be an avid hater of all diet sodas, however, diet root beer tastes much like the regular thing, has 0 calories, and helps erase (some of) the guilt from drinking soda. I'm even getting used to diet Mountian Dew.
4. Waffles. Both the breakfast food and my best friend on four legs. My dog is the only one in my life who thinks I'm a saint, never holds grudges, and always thinks I have the answer. 
5. Music. I don't think I could live without a rhythm of some sort pulsing through my veins. I often has one in mind even when no music surrounds me. 
6. A bargain. A super-cute top on clearance for $3.99 at Old Navy? Gets me every time. 
7. HGTV. What is better than fantasizing about houses in tropical locales or half-a-million-dollar houses I'll never afford on my future teacher's salary? Or decorating ideas that I can incorporate into my own apartment? Nothing. And it's pretty easy to keep on in the background while doing homework. (And doesn't make me eat non-stop like my Food Network obsession did.)
8. Movies. I love curling up under a blanket on the couch with my dog and hubby watching a movie or tv or whatever. (It's really really REALLY cozy with all of us on the couch.)
9. Ice cream. I realize this is the third food-related item on this list, but really... ice cream is something I always associate with my Papa, my mom's father. He is an amazing man and to him a night just isn't a night to him unless it comes complete with ice cream. I have to say I agree. It's like that sweet treat at the end of the day. Though now, I eat a lot of frozen yogurt. It's basically the same thing, right?
10. My family. They are everything to me. My family also now includes a wonderful husband (and his family. I am blessed with awesome in-laws). He hasn't been given a proper introduction yet, but he will. :-)

And now for 10 blogs you should follow, besides me *shameless self-promotion*: (Wait... you are following me, right?)

• Thoughts of an Oxymoron-- Inspiration for today's post and a woman with a LOT going on. All of it fun to read!
• the silver lining-- Positive thoughts and lots of organization. Also my fellow 2010 bride!
• We Three Kings-- I can't say enough good things about Lele. She has an adorable son and plenty to talk about. So you should go check it out.
• domestic daredevils-- A relatively new blog, but worth mentioning for this bread post alone! I look forward to more recipes and kitchen tips!
• (I forgot to put bread on my 10 things I like. So consider bread #11!)
• Confessions of a Shieldmaiden-- I think some of you know of the Shieldmaiden challenge I mentioned over on Twitter to Get Fitter, but this is Scarlett. She is amazing. I love her. And her awesome, geeky exercise idea that I'm currently failing at. But that's not the point... 
• Rachel Vincent-- My favorite fantasy writer. (Yes, I love her stuff more than Twilight! *gasp*) You guys should check out her stuff, seriously. I know I plug it a lot. So DO IT! 
• Hyperbole and a Half-- A blog I've recently discovered, but her illustrations and stories and scenarios are absolutely hilarious. You just have to check it out. 
• The Seam Rippers-- They make me jealous with all their awesome crafty-goodness. I tried to sew when I was young. It's a good idea in theory, but I don't have the patience. :-( So I look at their shiny projects in awe. 
• Mommy Wants Vodka-- Firstly, who doesn't want vodka? Secondly, you had me at John C. Mayer. I was wondering what happened to wittiness and why it wasn't on my Twitter feed anymore! Also, I can't wait to see more of what she writes.
• For number 10, I'm pulling an Erin. Please follow the other blogs I do. :-)

And now, enough procrastination. It's time to get back to homework!